Sunday, April 21, 2013

and... the end.

I began this blog on Valentines day, February 14 2013.
 It's been 67 days, since I began and I hadn't even realized it, because truth be told, I haven't really been writing every day, as I once was. As my deadlines approached, I felt farther than ever from my goal. The purpose of this blog, aside from being an outlet for me, was to observe and map a path to healing a broken heart and to demonstrate the power of right minded thinking. I also hoped that there would be a happy ending, like every good hero's' journey, in the end he always gets the girl. In this case, she gets her man.
This is not to be the case. Maybe that's why I have been slow and uninspired to write. I feel as though I have failed. Maybe there will be a momentous shift in events, or miracle that drops into my lap, and I will look back and it will all be clear and good and well, but today; it's just moving day, and inside I want to die.

60 days of attraction, feels more like 60 days of grief. I have cried so much for the man I loved and the dreams I had of healing, so we could be a family, and bring baby into this world together. I was on a quest and every corner I turned I  believed that just around it, would be the answer to my prayer, and around every corner I was betrayed. I clung too tightly, and that is counter to the laws of attraction. What we cling to, or fear losing is manifesting the loss. Despite my best efforts to loosen my grip just trust, I would get sucked back down into despair, and desperation.

I have been reading Marianne Williamsons book, Illuminata, Thoughts prayers, and rights of passage.
The book was loaned to me by  my good friend John, and I am grateful for it; albeit surprised by the source. It's a first edition and is signed for him with a personal message to him, by Marianne herself. Sometime friends you thought you knew, surprise you.

Anyhow, I want to share a prayer for a broken relationship, from Marianne's book.

Dear God,
In releasing this man, I surely feel as though my heart is crushed.
I feel as though a limb is gone and a piece if myself is now ripped away.
I pray dear God for the power to love him so totally that I shall not be in pain.
For my Love I know shall set me free
Let not be tempted to try and constrict him, either in my actions or in my thoughts.
May he fly free
May I appreciate the rightness of his need to travel
May I keep my faith and wisdom of all things
May I learn to respect his choices and go where he needs to go
If he finds another to love, may that love flourish for your sake
For truly, the arc of love is a blessing to us all.
Wherever he goes, dear Lord, please go with him
May he be blessed in all his doings.
May he always be happy
May he always be loved
May he find his way
Amen.




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