Sunday, March 24, 2013
Day 30 Go rescue your inner child before she sabotages your life...
Yesterday I spent a little time, dissecting some of the feelings of oppression and pain I was experiencing I'm my life and my relationship. It isn't an easy process, taking inventory of the dominant thoughts in ones vibration. It can be down right overwhelming, and frustrating. Why have I allowed myself to get so dis-empowered? Mostly its frustrating because I realize that these feelings are not a one off. There is a theme in my life and I know that I am responsible for creating this experience. It's time to do the work, and clear this crap once and for all.
I had a sit down with my little self. I took out a journal and wrote:
Dearest little Adrienne,
I took the pen in my non-dominant hand and pictured myself a young girl, and began to write.
You know I am a loser right?
I never fit in school and am bullied daily.
I don't have cool clothes, my mom never takes me shopping or cares how I look or feel.
I'm not successful in class, in fact I feel totally isolated and ashamed for not being smart, by teachers and other kids. I am constantly being ridiculed for being dumb.
I am just a nuisance to my parents, particularly my Dad.
I am not worth spending time with or being listened too... I am never going to amount or be a value to anyone. Whats the point? I am never going to successful or popular or loved by anyone.
Yikes. The worst part is, realizing that I still feel this way. No wonder I haven't been able to sustain any of the success I create. I don't feel worthy of it.
I have learned to override a lot of this, but the underlying vibration is always active. That's where my rebellious teenager comes in and screams and yells at anything or anyone that brings up these feelings of shame or inadequecy (we will deal with her too)
So, I took a moment to talk to my little self and going back to my dominant hand, this is what I wrote:
Dear little A,
Even though you feel really alone and misunderstood, I am here for you now.
I am sorry I wasn't there for you then, but I am now. Please forgive me, I love you and I am sorry.
(remember ho'ono'pono'pono, forgiveness is powerful)
It's not your fault, or any ones fault. You were not living in an environment where your unique gifts were understood, or nurtured...but its time for you now, to express your uniqueness...We have real soul work to do and I need you here, with me... to help me.
Your life experience has given you the courage you need to put it all out there express yourself and you won't be alone this time.
Then I ask her to come with me... and I put my arms around her and we walk together out of sight.
This can be an emotional process, but a powerful one. This is about, you firing on all cylinders.. and I highly recommend absolutely everyone take one day a week until you have had a visit with yourself at every age. Call your one year old, 2 year old... picture yourself that little person and just ask: Whats up for you right now? They will tell whats up. Sometimes its all good, but sometimes there is a rescue that is required. Love your little self like you would any distressed child and that self love, you will bring back to your now-self. It's incredibly powerful and I promise you will start to see how some of your adult behaviors are really just fragments of your inner 5 year old that are occasionally taking over your body and making you behave badly... go rescue her/him and they will never bother you again, in fact they will merge with your now moment self and you will be complete, a whole functioning conscious being... that is the goal right?