This blog is Titled 60 Days of attraction "test of metal"
I understand that this content and the irreverence of my self analysis may not be to every ones taste, but there is a point, beyond a forum for my own personal pity party.
One of the reasons I have chosen to share all of my deep dark thoughts, is to allow you to see into my heart, and connect in a way that is deeply personal. Not so that well meaning people who love me will freak out and come to my rescue as if I need rescuing. I'm a tough nut, thanks... look at what I am doing here...blogging publicly about my deeply personal trauma requires some serious ovaries...hello?!
That being said, this journey will not resonate with everyone, it will resonate (hopefully) however, with those who might be feeling some of the same things. I am not a suicidal maniac, although there are days I resemble one, so please don't fret if I indulge my lower self emotions, what are you so afraid of anyhow? I'll tell ya...
There is an overwhelming tendency for us to suppress our feelings for the very reasons that I am getting some concerned reactions to mine, and this blog.
There is a disease we are all suffering from, and its called denial. Denial of our authentic self. Denial causes us to suppress our true nature so that everyone around us can feel OK.
Your emotions are your own personal guidance system that are working in perfect order to show you the way to the light and the path of your highest potential. Your guidance system has been divinely designed to make you feel crappy when you are out of alignment, in your thinking, or actions or with who you are. We are plagued by this need to control or worse, suppress our emotions and or save and console others out of theirs. "There, there" we say, "I'll make you some tea, now pull up your boot straps and get on with it."
We never learn to listen or to create healthy ways to console ourselves, which leaves us needy and co-dependant. It has also caused the most stone dead society of drones in meat suits whom are completely out of touch of what the universe is calling them to; love, expansion, abundance, joy, bliss, true self...emotions are not to be feared, or repressed or fixed or cured or medicated; they are the cure, out of this unconsciousness. Emotions won't paralyze you, if you honor them for what they are telling you; talk to me... I'm listening, I want to hear it all. And then, get busy feeling and soothing your way into your new and better feeling reality. Clear them, and it will bring a clarity the likes of which will manifest miracles.
I feel grateful right now, because this post has helped me to see that I was so attached to pleasing everyone around me; I was resisting listening to my feelings, needs and desires. I was so attached to my man, and dreams of what I thought our life was going to be I didn't give myself, nor did I have permission to explore how I could honor my needs within the relationship. My partner could see the signs of my unhappiness and was so fearful of losing what images of us he was attached to, and attempted to guilt and shame me instead of listen and explore and allow. Needless to say that no growth or transformation was possible. A powerful love was lost because of fear, and the resentment, stress and bitterness drained me of all of my creative juices and the compassion out of the relationship. Fear of, and repression of emotions is a real buzz kill.
Many blessing and much love to all my concerned friends, I'll be ok xoxo and I feel your love ;)
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